A Conundrum

Scripture Reading: Proverbs 14:10

The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy.

We are instructed in the New Testament to “weep with those who weep, and rejoice with those who rejoice.” Yet, as we see in this proverb, everyone’s bitterness and joy has is personal and cannot be fully understood except by the person who is experiencing it. What to do?

I think it is good advice to avoid when possible, the “I know exactly how you feel” kind of statements. I have to guard against that often. We do it because we want to relate, but to the person we are trying to sympathize with it seems like we are trivializing or minimizing their experiences. The other reason we should avoid this kind of language is when we talk that way we usually end up moving the conversation toward our experience that we think demonstrates why we can relate to theirs.

It is more helpful to say something along the lines of, “I’m so sorry,” or “I’m so happy for you.” In this way we avoid the issues that come with, “I know exactly how you feel,” while still weeping with the weepers and rejoicing with the rejoicers.